The Wedding Blues. That is.... in my opinion

Yes, it's a time for celebrating... or so the saying goes. Where the past stays in the past and the blooming future is the here and now. The day that starts off with hair salon visits and last-minute makeup applications. Where dresses and shawls become our main object of torture and the cake is all there is to look forward to. Hearts beating. Armpits gasping for air. Human ribcages constricted to the point of sure death by suffocation. There will be singing and laughing. Crying and wailing. Eating and gawking at any and all passersby.

But surely and most certainly, there will be begging.

Because as sure as the sun sets in the east, my heart will be secretly wishing this moment had not arrived. My heart will beg her to stay and have at least one more late-night chit chat about matters of the heart.

One more cruise down the lake... together as single sisters. And although we are both young, but grown adults, I'd like for us to tease and joke like old times for at least one more decade. As crazy as it sounds, I would put up with 5 more years of her wreckless roomate tendancies all for the sake of having more sister-to-sister moments.

But the day is almost here. The countdown has begun...

The day that my elder sister marries her childhood "enemy"/ now-apple of her eye- fiance.

From the moment she says her "I do", I will officially be second or third or fourth in her life. Selfish. I know. But understand. This is heart-breaking for me.

I am transporting to a different stage in my life. Not exactly sure why, but I feel this weird sensation in my bones that tells me... times are about to change in more ways than one. But in a good way. In a depressingly, new good way. Like when you are down to your last cupcake and a little girl asks to have it. You do nothing but say yes. It's sad, but for the greater good.

So now, I pray. I pray that she lives a fairytale romance. Not something perfect, but something real. Where heartfelt emotion lives in the air they breathe. Where her husband becomes more than a husband, but a prayer warrior. A romance led by  the One who designed romance, God.

 

Palm Trees. Sunny Beach. Oh-so-soothing shore.... ahhh... Life As ItShould Be

Why is it that every time I begin to see the illusive light at the end of the tunnel, something happens? Or I see myself out of the tunnel but find that I have been bombarded with bird poop on my way out?

Now, let's be honest... Life can pretty much stink. A lot. I'd say, dear readers, that our only option would be to join the elephants and the bears, by moving somewhere in a remote jungle where we can live off of coconut juice and mangos. Live the life of Tarzan.

But then again, we would probably pour over ourselves a bigger task of staying alive. I wouldn't call tigers friendly. Now, think of this: People who live in the real world sometimes wish to die. BUT...For some funny reason, we need to stay alive in a jungle. Absolutely imperative to stay alive.

In the jungle, you see things as they are. There are no overbearing bosses or incomprehensive spouses. It's simply You and well... possible death by starvation or being cruelly eaten by an animal  3x smaller or larger than you.  While the bear is tearing you apart or the vulture is ripping your eyeballs out, you'd know exactly what the dictionary failed to describe in the word "pain". Little do you know what is waiting for you on the other side, unless you completely repent of all the times you lied to mom about  who exactly broke her dishes and discarded the evidence.

"In the Jungle, the sheer terror of dying keeps you alive."

Here on earth... the sheer terror of leaving behind an imperfect, but in its own way, loving family behind should scare you out of your pants. The face of your "little brother" figure should keep you up at night to haunt you. All the times you wet your pants or skirt laughing at the dumb thing your friend did should automatically play in your mind every time you even contemplate the idea of giving up your life for a false idea. The time you saved the little girl's life should play as breaking news on every channel.

Tell me, what else do YOU need to see life as it is?

I Live. I eat. Now I write Blogs...

There is something absolutely mind-bloggling about the cycle of life. How we live. We die. We eat. We sleep. We do all of these things without even realizing time is passing us by. Now as for me, I find myself sitting in front of my work computer, staring at the window... and the world beyond- the world I come from and go to after work. For now, I am here. I freeze, my overactive imagination freezes, if only for this moment. I am perfectly still.

No honking the horn or yelling in a way that can turn everyday words into obsenities. The red lights are no longer tempting me. There is no one to shout at or blame for my mistakes. It's just me and well.. my soul. Ann I. Dee's soul. And watch out... it's anything but pretty.

And here and Now, I think: I must blog. Yes, I convinced my brilliant friend, rockinruby25 to blog. But I must blog. I must grab on to what little time I have left. Before the big, bad monster of a job I have swallows me whole. And I leave nothing here on earth to account for my life. Becuase of the imperfect condition of my soul, I must blog.

Now... there is something good about seeing our humane reality. It's good to take a profound look in the invisible mirror that follows us around, waiting for us to notice. Our family members show us a clear reflection of who we are. The words they say or perhaps dont say shout louder than a million voices. Or atleast in my case they do.

We can live life thinking that the whole world owes us.  Direct our steam towards innocent bystanders that are unfortunate enough to cross our paths during our moments of wrath. Act as if we were supposed to have the innate abilities to reason in a complex way. We can and we do. Now here is the good part:

"The beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair."(RK)

Disect this. Read it. Until you figure out what exactly would be fair.... Until next time