My Valentine's Day gone Wrong...
I look forward to Valentines every year. Whether I'm single or in a relationship, the thought of Valentines brings a smile to my face. Sometimes a melancholy smile, mind you. But a smile nonetheless.
This Valentines Day took me to the ER, where I felt as if my whole world was crumbling. Really, my WHOLE world. Because one of the most dearest, loved persons in my life was sent to the ER. I received a call at work with the news. All I knew is that it was potentially heart related. I can't recall every detail but I do remember running out to my courtesy vehicle (car crash Day before) and speeding all the way to Northwestern hospital. In the small compact Yaris displaying a body shop's name in every available area of the vehicle. Thinking: I'm going to have a panic attack on the road. I don't think this little Yaris can go fast enough.
I just whispered to myself: remain calm and collected. For his sake. I didn't utter a word out loud for fear of crying. So I prayed. More like bargained with God. And that's not even something I see as acceptable. But I was desperate. Out of options. Out of my control zone.
I looked at my little guy, looking a bit helpless and tired. And I wanted to hug him and just cry out loud with him. I wanted to make it all better for him now and forever. I wanted to take the pain for him.
But I couldn't.
And I sure didn't. Because I just created a whole lot more personal, muted pain in addition to his. And I again experienced in that moment how much love hurts. How raw pain feels. How life and death can come with a pretty thin line.
And I also saw God's mercy in my life. And am grateful for the second chance to appreciate my little brother more. To laugh a little more. Talk a little more. Share a little more about life with each other.
P.S. Mando, don't ever scare the daylights out of me in that way again. Really. I love you!
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