Down and Dirty- Valentines and the ER Room

Really, I don't purposely mean to write a series of blogs featuring unfortunate events in my life. But it just so happens that way lately. So here goes: this is what makes a girl real. You're welcome.

My Valentine's Day gone Wrong...

I look forward to Valentines every year. Whether I'm single or in a relationship, the thought of Valentines brings a smile to my face. Sometimes a melancholy smile, mind you. But a smile nonetheless. 

This Valentines Day took me to the ER, where I felt as if my whole world was crumbling. Really, my WHOLE world. Because one of the most dearest, loved persons in my life was sent to the ER. I received a call at work with the news. All I knew is that it was potentially heart related. I can't recall every detail but I do remember running out to my courtesy vehicle (car crash Day before) and speeding all the way to Northwestern hospital. In the small compact Yaris displaying a body shop's name in every available area of the vehicle. Thinking: I'm going to have a panic attack on the road. I don't think this little Yaris can go fast enough.

I just whispered to myself: remain calm and collected. For his sake. I didn't utter a word out loud for fear of crying. So I prayed. More like bargained with God. And that's not even something I see as acceptable. But I was desperate. Out of options. Out of my control zone. 

I looked at my little guy, looking a bit helpless and tired. And I wanted to hug him and just cry out loud with him. I wanted to make it all better for him now and forever. I wanted to take the pain for him. 

But I couldn't. 

And I sure didn't. Because I just created a whole lot more personal, muted pain in addition to his. And I again experienced in that moment how much love hurts. How raw pain feels. How life and death can come with a pretty thin line. 

And I also saw God's mercy in my life. And am grateful for the second chance to appreciate my little brother more. To laugh a little more. Talk a little more. Share a little more about life with each other. 

P.S. Mando, don't ever scare the daylights out of me in that way again. Really. I love you!

A Moment Gone-Wrong and the Delightful Turkey Dinner

It's been officially confirmed: Food makes me happy. Food can take away a bad day and make it tolerable.

My SUV's engine band popped as I was driving on the expressway...

On Christmas!

But it's okay. I'm over it. Over how frustrated and irritated I was. How I still haven't gotten my car back. Over how many phone calls I had to make to beg our insurance company to help save us.

Really, I got home and saw delicious turkey on the table. The stuffing was prepared just right. The mashed potatoes were the picture of perfection. O. M. G. The ham!! And I won't even go into the long list of fabulous desserts sitting on the dining room table.

My day was made better. I forgot about the wasted hours in the expressway. The long line of bad luck incidents. Sometimes God gives us small pleasures that from time to time override the really bad, life-threatening ones.

Gone. Vanished. Just like that. I hope to find a love like that. Beside food, an actual person. That person that will make any day better. Even if the day is already fantastic.

Lol. No pressure, no pressure.

Christmas Time, the Grinchy Baker, and The Pinterest Bake Off...

Dear Readers...

I woke up this morning thinking: It's Christmas. A dedicated blogger would write a blog right about now. So without further delay...

I want to say something inspirational and funny. Really, I do. But all I could think of right now is the unbelievably Grinchy baker I came across yesterday, as she obsessively tried her hand at making something for the church baking competition. (Needless to say her name), this (very inexperienced) baker had spent the full week creating desserts that were quite impressive. But baking day came, and with that a lot of anxiety and bad luck. So Good-ole mom had to come to the rescue and take over.

Ladies and gentlemen, that over the top, OCD'd, Pinterest-obssesed baker was Me.

Jesus is the reason for the season, is He not? Well as it turns out, I spent an exorbitant amount of more time thinking about baking disasters than well... Jesus. Ok, so these were my thoughts as I prepped for baking:

It's Christmas. Be happy, you big, green Grinch. You should be thinking about Jesus. Remember? The birth of our Savior? Ok, I'll think Jesus. The healer of my soul. The man who fed crowds with loaves of bread made from heaven. Ahhhhhhh.... Jesus would be so disappointed in my baking! He must've been a fantastic baker here on earth... The Pioneer Woman is testimony to how a good, Christian woman should bake!!

So that clearly didn't go as planned. I know, I know... How pathetic! Here's the good news: Jesus came for us pathetic creatures, too. And I invite all of us to forget picture perfect Pinterest-y things for today. Life is messy and takes unexpected turns at unexpected times. And you know, that makes life kinda fun. And it makes us better people. It helps us appreciate Jesus and how lucky we are to still be loved by Him. Jesus is into Grinchy people. He loves listening to them and observing. Because he knows that eventually... those Grinchy people will realize that all there is to do is let go. And let Him.

Merry Christmas fellow Grinches ;) Now, a shout out to the picture-perfect Pinterest clan! (I aspire to join the club soon)...

Not One, but Three Free Lattes?!

I stopped by Dunkin donuts on my way home from work today. And I walked in not really knowing what I'd decide to order. The young man at the counter asked me what I was having. And it's like my heart spoke for me. My heart-wandering soul spoke for me:

"1 medium Jamoca almond fudge shake" I said smiling.

"Are you sure?" Maybe I looked like I was having an internal battle. And I was. Truly. 

"No, make that a small." He looked at me skeptically. The young man at the counter was scrutinizing me. And he somehow was getting away with dissecting my thoughts. So he smiled and said:

"If you say so. How about a donut with that?" 

To which I said: "Um?"

"Ok, which one?" He said. 

"Sugared. Just one." And he grabbed three and put them in the bag for me. Yep , it's like he knew me, alright. And I just laughed. Out loud. Letting out my frustration of the day. All in one embarrassed laughter. 

He charged me for one donut and a small shake. 

And when I went back to my vehicle with a smile so big I couldn't hide, I shut the door and held back the tears. It was like a secret message had just been transported to me from a place far, far away. Well, more like someplace deep within my heart. It was a small voice saying: 

"Darling, I care. And I know. And I'm in love with your quirks and false modesty for free food. I understand what you mean behind a "just one donut, please" and it makes me smile. And it makes every tear, every heartache worthwhile. Because I am completely devoted to your well being and happiness. And if it takes a couple of free donuts, then that's what I'm all about."

And as if that wasn't enough, I remembered the evening lunch that had been delivered to me at work by a thankful client the day before. The free Drink a thoughtful barista refused to charge me for. The third time in the week. 

You know, sometimes we just want to hear what we want to hear. Or have happen what we want to happen. Our way. Our timing. But ultimately, we begin to miss out on the really awesome things God gives us day by day. So, I'll take it. Every feee donut. Every smile. Every kind gesture from random strangers. 

It's enough, God. You're enough. 

You're enough. 

The Holidays 🎉and My Sister's Hunter Boots 🙄

First, I'll start by saying that I really need to commit to blogging more, because some of the  things that happen to me on a daily basis are down right blog-worthy. If I were a normal person, I wouldn't say them but... a-hem I've come to terms with my simple reality that I wasn't necessarily born to fit in, for the most part.

Now, since we're on the topic of "not very normal", I am posting my Christmas Wish List on the Internet. Hee hee. You're welcome!

1. World Peace. Um, how about we scratch that. It's reminding me a little too much of the book of Revelation and Lordy knows I won't be a part of bringing That Fateful Day upon us sooner than it's meant to, so I  I'll be happy with a new set of pajamas and a matching robe and slippers. I like pink. And the softer the material, the better. :)

2. The elimination of $1 menus at fast food restaurant chains. Too convenient for our poor children of America to over indulge. And really who hasnt fallen privy to the penny saved, penny earned theory? Ok, but since that's not probable to change in the coming year, I'll take an ugly sweater. And what I mean by "ugly" is a cool, trendy sweater. Just christmassy and fun. The more bells and bows, the better. But jeez Louise, not too many bells and bows. Moderation is key. Moderation.

3. I'd like for the ghost of past mistakes and yet un-realized dreams to never pay a visit again. I'm very happy as I am. Thank you very much! Alright, but if that wish isn't possible either, I'll ask for a full collection of audiobooks I can listen to on my post work trips home. I'm open to learning French, Austrian, Mandarin, or really anything I can't currently understand. Drop in a few romantic comedies and mysteries and I will voluntarily be your family for life!

4. A Grand gesture from someone. And act of kindness on a snowy, cold day. And if I could reserve 14 gestures for rainy days, even better. Because dont we all need uplifting moments? Trust me, I'd invest a pretty penny in a company who comes up with a way to do this. Now, if the age of technology can't resolve this one for me, I'll ask for a beautiful Marc Jacobs handbag. You know, because for everything else, there's MasterCard...? Sometimes, I am glad my mom doesn't read my blog. Lol!

Now, I want everyone reading to know I can indeed keep adding to the list, but Dear Sister, I know you're still reading hoping to find out more about the Hunter boots you asked me for Christmas. You know, the Hunter boots with the matching internal warmers. If only the owners of Hunter would have a little more consideration for people' s wallets. But no, they were indeed pricey and since I am terrible with saving gifts until Christmas, I must say that yes, I bought them. And yes, you must wear them EVERY DAY of December, of January, of February, of March, and April, up until your dear Birthday. So Merry Christmas and Happy Birthday. I also threw in this blog, since the anticipation was killing me. Enjoy!

Merry Christmas to All and to all a good night 😴🤗

Hallmark, All Things Lovely, and My OCD Tendencies

...

The season of Love has quickly approached and I've found myself plopped on my living room couch watching the "Countdown to Valentine's" on the Hallmark channel more than I'd like to admit. Yes, tissue box at hand. Full disclosure: I now cry at happy endings, people. 

And maybe it's a bit cliche and repetitive to watch so many hallmark movies and smile uncontrollably at every single perfect ending. It's entertaining and fun and believe it or not, actually pretty real. Although the endings could be slightly over-the-top happy, I think you get a pretty good combination of real life situations in every clip. How so? 2 things:

1. There is atleast one antagonist in every movie. My life has a couple of them.

2. A Hallmark-worthy moment comes from real-life people living real-life moments. I'm a dreamer, realist, and hopeless romantic (at heart): I've chosen to believe in love and happily ever after moments. In fact, I'm counting on my life switching gears into the romantic some day. 

I feel like I'm at a crossroads in life. I can choose to go left or right, but for now I'm standing pretty darn still. I have no idea what my next move will be and for some reason, I'm feeling okay about that. "It'll work out." There's a phrase that my OCD tendencies don't normally let me say. Be in control. Have a plan. That was my motto....

I've been having a hard time choosing between Starbuck's and Dunkin Donuts lately. And was pretty close to writing a pros vs cons list about it... But I didn't.

Because I'm okay. And whatever leftover anxiety I have creeping in because of my new "Let Go" attitude, Hallmark can help with. Okay, God will help with ;)

Chicago Blizzards and Frank Sinatra

I was born in Chicago... (Insert Frank Sinatra's "Chicago" background music here)

With access to the beach and glamorous city architecture within a walking distance of each other...

I guess, I've simply gotten used to so much beauty, that I no longer remember how great it is to be a Chicagoan.

Well it might be because the blizzards and floods and rainstorms begin to take a toll. 

With privilege, also comes specific obligations: 

Keeping sane throughout these drastic weather changes. One day you're tanning on the Willis Tower deck, the next you're running to the store to look for a snow blower. 

Store after store. Looking for a shovel. Looking for an umbrella. Looking for sunblock.

When you know that each of the above products are already sold out. 

Becuase when it rains, it pours in Chicago. Nothing is done lightly here. And most of the time, we are never prepared. 

I was remembering a snow blizzard that kept all of Chicago snowed in for two days, years ago. I happened to fall ill with a terrible fever and throat infection. Did I mention we lost all electricity? Meaning the house was cold and my fever was getting worse. I felt so close to dying, I considered telling my little brother he could keep my car and laptop.

But clearly, it didn't come down to that since I'm still alive and well. Anyway, it was that winter, that I began learn to let go of what I used to think I could  control. Just let go. And let God. And when that trial is over, you learn to enjoy electricity and heaters and so many things around you.

Sometimes being snowed in is a blessing in disguise... But God, please no blizzards this winter. Pretty please? :) ... It was worth a shot. Can't blame a girl for trying...